SNARKY PREGNANCY

SNARKY PREGNANCYSize: 4x6 pregnant? you mean you're a body builder? expecting a baby is like picking someone up from the airport except you don't know who they are or what time the flight comes in. ready and willing to throat punch the next person who comments on how big you're getting each month of pregnancy ranges from 30 31 days, except the last one. that one is about 1435 days pro tip: your partner is pregnant. don't eat the last anything when people congratulate

Party like a rockstar

christmas lights alphabet mouthbreather she's our friend and she's crazy mornings are for coffee and contemplation nobody normal ever accomplished anything meaningful in this world nothing is gonna go back to the way it was not really but it'll get better in time mistakes have been made friends don't lie this is not a normal family flashlight baseball cap hat bike

happy engagement

youth is wasted on the wrong people you want the moon

a little softer

sus kinda sus crewmates imposter your birthday is among us the holidays are among us crew mate

probably pink wine makes me slutty i am not a successful adult i don't eat vegetables and/or take care of myself i don't wash the towel the towel washes me you're allowed to be happy but it's really annoying the way you you treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol you drink an inside wound with drinking alcohol it's science doing it

i'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color

bleed on me

you know i love you more than my luggage

to the mail person to the delivery person some heroes wear shorts sorry for stalking you but not that sorry sorry for all the extra shit i ordered when i was drunk don't mess with the delivery person they know where you live mailbox mail man postal worker mail lady mail woman letter letterbox letter carrier

fuck mandala shit happes life goes on this too shall pass let's drink